kokkai


Wednesday, September 22

NERD - Fall/Winter Collection

DO YOU LOVE YOUR KOK?


NERD presents the newest(and only) tee from its Fall/Autumn Collection - the I Love My Kok tee. Perfect for wearing outside, inside, anywhere, everywhere, whatever. From the market to the city, the computer shop to book shop, its perfect and comfortable for wear ANYTIME.

Here's how to distinguish a real NERD tee from the fake ones. See the above graphic. It's pretty self-explanatory lar. Please direct enquiries to our promoter Uncle Kok whom you can contact near the bottom right hand side of the screen



Oh, and you don't have to wash it - it incorporates NERD's latest StAb technology. StAb (Stench Absorbing Technology) absorbs 99%1 of stenches you emit and you dont have to bathe for 3 days wearing it - PERFECT FOR NERDS AND COMPUTER GEEKS. You can now complete programming or trying to get past that darn level in that game without having to *gasp* bathe! Nerds rejoice!

Retails for only $8 (really! we're not making any profit!) at all NERD outlets. While stocks last.



1verified by leading scientist I.M. Corrupt
(go ahead and blast me for being narcissistic ahhahaa i was boredddd whatttt)


Sunday, September 19

Uncle Kok
ASK UNCLE KOK
yes I understand this entry might be rather windy, stormy, sunny, whatever because of the immense amount of questions so I've tried to keep the answers short and reply some of the rather similar questions together



do you anynoe named hidayat - hidayat
do you know anynoe named hidayat - me


I knew a Mohd Hidayat bin Lokman during my primary school years. I think he went to Kranji Secondary and ended up with the current RP top student Ariff there. I lost to him in 'catching' almost everytime and he looked like this.





what's the sex position outta bed u've always wanted to try? - bellerinaa

that....that one where they sit on each other and do it. looks CHALLENGING. yar.



change this leh - too lazy to type (x7)

THIS IS NOT A TESTING BUTTON NOTHING WILL POP UP WHEN YOU PRESS THAT OR NEITHER WILL YOU GET SOME FAGGOTY REWARD FOR PUSHING THAT STOP PLAYING WITH MY BUTTON HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!



kok...ur pic is lame la...where got ppl wear like tt one...lol.. - chiu ru

encore then.
NERD is proud to bring you our Fall Winter collection
NERD is proud to bring you our Fall Winter collection
checked shirt ($9.00), white polo ($23.00), red shorts (forgot)
checked shirt ($9.00), white polo ($23.00), red shorts (forgot)
tucked in is IN now. tuck in all your tail ends today! why bother deciding between uneven tail ends or straight tail ends, or whether to show them? tuck them all IN.
tucked in is IN now. tuck in all your tail ends today!
why bother deciding between uneven tail ends or straight
tail ends, or whether to show them? tuck them all IN.




wat do guys feel abt dating someone older? - anon

some guys have problems with that.
some think dating someone older is equivalent to going out with your mum
some don't mind if the age gap isnt huge (huge would be senior by more than 2 years for me)
some are plain mad (i.e. ashton kutcher)
what about me?
i don't really mind if she's 1 year older, 2 i'll struggle and 3 i rather go out with my mum. at least my mum pays for my stuff when im out with her. HAH! no. im not ashton kutcher though.



how adjust droopy tube tops sexily? - rafacm

I think you should JUST PULL IT right up to where you want it. Over your chest, your waist, your stomach, your head etc. "confidence is sexy okay" as Ms Kelly C puts it. So JUST PULL IT. yar. JUST PULL IT. PULL IT PULL IT NICE PULL IT GOOD JUST PULL IT



why are clouds white when water is colourless? - norahs

i have no idea why actually. maybe because someone set the fill of the clouds to be white(#ffffff) and someone didn't set any fill color(transparent) for the water. In Photoshop. so the world should look like this in Photoshop.
AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE



when is your birth date - i am myself

the 364th day of i'm-not-revealing-the-year.



wat will you if you keep doin badly in ur test? N u feel damn bad abt it? - tok

I'm doing absolutely horrendous in Java proramming this semester so I don't check my grades for that module anymore and just wait for the semester to be over. HAH. And perform even worse.



Are u a kok? - Kok Katcher

no! please don't catch me kok katcher! i'm an okk (pronounced orc)
(I found this question amusing though whoever wrote this)



boobs and guys? fine some don't hv it. so wassup with guys and women's bottoms?!?!? - norahs

because guys are attracted by round spherical shaped objects. that's why you see the fascination with boobs, bottoms, soccer, the moon, pot bellies, squares, cucumbers etc. Some think the moon and the sun are the female god Venus' boobs.



why are u so kokky..kok kai?? - M.E

These days I will ask my friend Argh the Caveman to answer questions which I cannot or don't know how to answer. He's excellent at answering questions and has gladly voulenteered his time here to help me answer those difficult questions. Okay then. Let's see his reply to this question.

Argh the Caveman says 'Argh.'
Argh the Caveman says 'Argh.'



can you just post a 'decent' photo of yours? haha.. - too lazy to type
who u? - too lazy to type






what does humpty dumpty taste like. where are all the king's horses and men now. - norahs

humpty dumpty tastes like a SAUSAGE MCMUFFIN WITH EGGGGG. okay no, he tastes like......orange juice. and the king's horses and men are probably at some retirement home arguing whether humpty was pushed or he fell himself



why are u scared of sharon? - norahs

because she is a big bad debater that bullies meek geeks like me everytime. You know what, she tried to steal my food the other day! Meanie mo Sharon! Bad Sharon! Bad bad Sharon! *cries*



y do u hvta give me new names - norahs

to counter your bullying I give you new names to get you suitably distracted with my improper name calling. I've used this tactic with lots of people HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN CALLED AH BOY OR AH GIRL OR SOME AWFUL NAME BY ME RAISE YOUR HAND



do you think you are popular and desired in your school? - norahs

I think there's a rumour going around school that I give out bad body odour and that the only reason people come to me is to find out if that rumour is really true. So I am very happy when lots of people recognise me and start avoiding/coming to me. YAY.



on wat grounds do u sae tt humpty dumpty was pushed? - norahs

Let's study the diagram below.


Let's study the diagram AGAIN because I know you probably WERENT PAYING ATTENTION or was scratching your butt or something



There. Look. He's sitting properly on the wall. He's not swaying or anything. He's just sitting there for no reason minding his own business. How can he just fall like that? DO you sit on your chair and suddenly fall? Does anybody in class just suddenly go "WHOA!!" randomly and end up on the floor for no reason? NO RIGHT?!! So therefore Dumpty must have been PUSHED. By a wolf or somebody or the wind. Nobody falls without a reason.

There's was even a court case regarding this where Dumpty's brother fought the wolf. I don't have the video with me now but I'll put it up when I find it



why do you like boobs so much? - norahs

because theyre interesting and nice and perky and fun. medium sized ones are nice.



would you like to have boobs in your next life? - norahs

maybe. they DO seem fun. i'd like medium sized ones



what does it take for you to hate someone? - norahs

when they rile me up and don't even realise that



how does one initiate a makeout most subtly in the most public area? - norahs

hmm. pretend something got stuck in between your partner's teeth then and youre helping to get it out using your tongue. or just kiss. nobody'll notice you these days anyway everybody's busy striding and striding and striding around trying to look like theyre important and striding anyway.


what would you prefer (and u hvta choose): lopsided boobs or lopsided buttocks. - sharon wee

lopsided boobs. i dont know im not really an ass man. but why in the world are you doing having one big one small butt in the first place.

how do you sit with a lopsided butt
how do you sit with a lopsided butt anyway must be hard.

how much yelling/shouting/raisingyourvoice does it takes to damage your vocal cords? - sharon wee

i have no idea but shouting that is suitably loud enough to cause lopsided boobs and buttocks i suppose



what do you think of debaters? - sharon wee
do u like talking to debaters?? i mean generally. - sharon wee


every sentence i say will be replied with "on what grounds?!" or some long winded argument. e.g.

me: nice day.
debater: ON WHAT GROUNDS?!
me: uh....
debater: I think the usage of the interjection 'uh' signifies that you do not have sufficient grounds to claim that it is a nice day! how can you claim it is a nice day? how do you know or assume the BIRDS are having a nice day? it is not a nice day if they are not having one! you are generalising and making a sweeping statement.............etc

and so on.



why must say sorry? - sharon wee

you.....you.....you.......flood my questioning thing......



Kok, why must u behave like a cao gao in sch? - too lazy to type

you then cao gao, RANDY. on what grounds do you call me a CAO GAO! HOW CAN YOU JUSTIFY I AM 'CAO'(smelly) in the first place?! DO I LOOK LIKE A 'GAO'(dog)???? People say I look like an OSTRICH



why do u take so long to answer our questions? - norahs
where are the answers to my qns?? where?? where?? - rafacm
what's taking u so long to answer. - qmqcqaqfqaqr
you are taking too long n when u do ans ur qns, ur entry is gonna sickeningly windy, - clandestinenovelty
when will you finally get back to us? - ronyousha


i'll let Argh answer these few questions.

Argh   the Caveman says 'Argh.'
Argh the Caveman says 'Argh.'



hate sharon rite? WHY???? - rafacm
now u hate me rite? - hermia'smum


no i don't. youre being paranoid my part time _____________.



what is ur favourite kind of underwear. - jsjhjajrjojn

i think lacy ones can be sexy when the right person wears them.
those normal cotton undies and boyshorts can be sexy if worn by the right person too.
i think g-strings and thongs are ODD though even though they help to avoid VPLs and stuff.



how does one fluff one's garfield? - ltlhlelalslhla

VERY EASY. Contrary to what Colin Mochire says on Whose Line Is It Anyway, you can use PHOTOSHOP to fluff your Garfield! No more claws and scratches! Fluff your Garfield ANYTIME YOU WANT HOW YOU LIKE IT. Why you can even fluff the President of USA! We'll show you some results.


Here we fluff our Garfield.

Here we fluff whoever this person is. I don't know who he is all the world leaders look the same. I mean, it seems like anybody who has grey hair combed to the side and looks remotely like a chimpanzee can lead and be the President of a country. Except Japan's PM Junichiropractor Koizumi of course who forgot to cut his hair or something. THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME. LOOK!

DO YOU SEE ANY DIFFERENCE? NO RIGHT?!

There. So here we demonstrate how you can fluff someone through Photoshop. Try it today!



34 questions only? why do u lie. - ennui

i didnt! ;[ you accuse me anyhow you you you....



what is worse? irritation or wrath? - younoewho

i think wrath is worse. irritation is when a person goes 'irritating.' when somebody disturbs that person but wrath is 'GRRRRRRAIYEEEEEEEEEEJKFFJKSF'. yar.



where are your answers!!!! i'm getting a tube soon and i need your divine guidance. - toofartoolatetoofat

when you buy a tube make sure you have a CHEST for it. the chest(i.e. boobs) is essential. otherwise you'll look like youre wearing a towel on the street. Buy one that will fit you nicely and you wont feel like suffocating or having to adjust it too often because it keeps threatening to drop to your waist. I think you know all these already. How would I know. I don't even wear tubes. I wear BEAKERS.



what kinda questions do you hate answering most? - hermia'smum

"change this leh - too lazy to type" type of questions. I think I might let Argh answer them in future.



what kinda questions do you wan to see more of? - clandestinenovelty

Questions I don't need Argh's help to answer. HAH! nonsensical ones will be interesting though.



what kinda women do you hate most? - sharyouron

those who scold guys for no reason and think guys are there for you to scold. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO OKAY EVEN THOUGH WE MAY BEHAVE LIKE BLOCKS OF WOOD STOP HAVING THIS oh-i-see-a-guy-there-i'll-go-scold-him mentality some of you girls seem to have



why do you like designing posters so much? - hermia'smum

because it provides me a channel to convey whatever ideas i have. and its the only thing i see to be able to do decently. i cant run, play a proper game, jump, hop, skip, bend, cycle(forgot how to), do a cartwheel etc lalala

here's one of my latest ones. crap and plain but nvm.


STRESSED?
the Counseling Clinic is here for you!
Every Fri 4pm-6pm One-Stop Center Meeting Room 2
book in advance through MyRP.



what's your threshold for irritation like? - clandestinenovelty

i would think im able to tolerate most things people would flare up at but then again i flare up at things most people would be able to tolerate though. so i would say.....argh.



Hey man i am a fan of this great site - Gavin

Argh the Caveman says 'Argh.'
Argh the Caveman says 'Argh.'



r u good in soccer? - Gavin LOW

No I'm not. I haven't played soccer in ages too except for a kickabout with Charlton outside my container few weeks ago. I used to whack PEOPLE instead of the BALL and almost even got into a fight. Whacking people's so fun. I can't pass the ball well too anyway. what are you doing here anyway gavin i thought you had disappeared from planet earth already.



do you think that you are good looking? - kelly

"you are beautiful, no matter what they say..." - Christina Aguilera

okay, even though I think that she perenially looks like a whore that sentence did make sense to lots of people around the world. But nooooo how can anyone think they look gooood. I think I look like a nerd....so baaaaad so that I'll do one of those cutout effects you see so commonly on tees these days of myself.....I even have a large version for you to print and iron on to tees or throw darts at or something. haaa


click to view larger version


"I'm, too sexy for your shirt....." - Right Said Fred

Thank you if you think I am anyway (HAH! ALL PUKE NOW ON THE COUNT OF 3...1....2....3! GURRGH)


Saturday, September 11



i've been busy recently doing stuff. which im quite happy about. this one caused quite a stir in school. okay, so it didn't really. someone complained about it only. its part of a campaign i did with 4 other similar looking posters. not really nice and lalala BUT SOME BLOODY OLD FAG COMPLAINED THAT IT'S TOO VIOLENT WHY IF I EVER FIND OUT WHO THAT BLOODY DONKEY IS I SWEAR I'LL GRAB HIM BY HIS NECK AND SMACK HIS BACKSIDE why the Deputy Director of some office in school Ms Hamida Zam Zam said she thinks its clever how dare you monkey make noises about it!!! MONKEY! hmm. do you think its too violent?

there. i feel better now. BLARDY SON OF A BITCH COMPKANINSIONOSILAS

I promise I'll update and answer those 33 questions!!!
give me a few more days!

then again, what do you know suddenly the whole world has blogs these days so I suppose I'll lie low and not write and do my work for a while. HAH! go and read other people's blog now