kokkai


Saturday, November 29

Since Kelly did that I shall do it back to her. Fancy pasting snippets of conversations everywhere anyhow. Hmmph. If you have no idea what I'm talking about go click on Kelly Chai on the right in the links area.

[snippet]

Ah Kok says:
+ hurt-me-nots +:* says:
throw me intellectual questions of your kind lehh
Ah Kok says:
i shall attempt to think of one now
Ah Kok says:
seriously though when i ask many people reply "whats up with you!" or "are you okay?"
Ah Kok says:
okays *think*
*:+ hurt-me-nots +:* says:
hhahaha
Ah Kok says:
why did they name a coffee table a coffee table
Ah Kok says:
why dont they name it a tea table
Ah Kok says:
or a orange juice table
Ah Kok says:
water table
Ah Kok says:
why coffee table uhahahaha
Ah Kok says:
if coffee tables are meant for you to put coffee
Ah Kok says:
then where do you put all your other drinks
*:+ hurt-me-nots +:* says:
hahahhaa
*:+ hurt-me-nots +:* says:
i like this one
*:+ hurt-me-nots +:* says:
cuz it sounds more sophiscated?
Ah Kok says:
uahua i shall ask other people
*:+ hurt-me-nots +:* says:
man..... its like a philosophical question
*:+ hurt-me-nots +:* says:
hahaha
Ah Kok says:
should housewives be paid?
*:+ hurt-me-nots +:* says:
its like, so if a table has 4 legs, is a table with 3 legs considered a table?
*:+ hurt-me-nots +:* says:
yeah
*:+ hurt-me-nots +:* says:
she oughta be paid
Ah Kok says:
uahauha good point there

[/snippet]

so apparently I have a collection of so called intellectual questions now.

1. Is a condom with a hole or a torchlight with no batteries more useful?
2. When someone offers you a penny for your thoughts, and you put in your two cents' worth, what happens to the other cent? - from Reader's Digest
3. Should housewives be paid? - Kelly
4 so if a table has 4 legs, is a table with 3 legs considered a table? - Kelly
5. Why are coffee tables called coffee tables? Why not orange juice tables, milk tables et al?
6. If coffee tables are meant for you to put coffee, where do you put your other drinks?

Would someone mind answering them. Bleah. Urgh. Groan.
KELLY.................................................


I shall blabber mindlessly today. Since someone asked me to write my blog when I have absolutely nothing interesting to write about.

Ahh I watched Master and Commander a few days ago. AND I SLEPT RIGHT WHEN THE MOVIE STARTED! I think Keng Yang who was beside me noticed...urgh. but I woke up like when someone's passing Russell Crowe some wooden ship...but one thing I'm wondering is that since Crowe has a reputation for being rowdy and so on, why doesnt he show it in the movie! grrr not very enjoyable movie..

I think I'm a sponge. As in I feel like I'm soaking in lots of people's problems. Sponge Kok Square Pants. Oh well. okays busy these days...I have school now and that sucks. its like everybody I know (okay almost) are having their holidays now and I have to drag myself to school at 8am everyday. ahh I'm late everyday okays...I can't remember when I'm ever punctual for school....yadayadyayadyyaa...sorry to bore you *busy* hmm HEY i have this theory. Since celebrities and superstars are always late, and I'm always late, won't that make me a celebrity uhahahaa okays rubbish theory

Uncle Kok
ASK UNCLE KOK

"kok has smelly head! HOW?!" -

No answer. Okays I asked my Magic 8 Ball whether I have a smelly head and it replied "My Sources Say No". Hmmph. GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT

Uncle kok..how can i forget the person that i love and didn't know if he's really interested in me? - OhMyBak

For one thing I don't really understand your question. Well to forget people just shut them out of your life! Block them, ignore them, avoid that person and so on. Now I don't understand the second part but if you mean wanting to find out if some guy is interested in you well look for signs! Signs like maybe he keeps looking at you or treats you nicer than other people. Or ask him straight. Oh never mind. HEY I DON'T KNOW I READ ALL THESE FROM A BOOK...CHICKEN SOUP FOR BLAHBLHABLAH....no...theres no such book...there is....ahh nevermind...just remember there's lots of fishes in the sea. just took it that you missed the boat this time round. oh what am i talking about. ----hey, theyre metaphors



NO you don't have to read the chunk of text below. You can if you want to though

blah blah blah blah doo dah dey blah dee doo dah dah dah dah dey doo dum dopp dug dig doo poo shoo boo goo loo gee whizz crack doo doo doo doo doo dah day blah blah blah blah blum blop yob gee on whee smooch blah doo wop shoo be doo wop shoo dop whoop clang boom swish slap ow oo ah oops yum yum yum yum mun kee kee kay kay koo kop seek boing boing boing boing go boing boing boing boing boing oo ah oops yum yum yum mun kee kee kay koo kop goo eek ching chang chop blah blah blah blah blah doo dah dey blah dee doo dah dah dah dah dey yell screech thump arf arf arf meow meow mew meow mew mew yum yum yum yum squeak bing bash doo doo doo doo doo dah dey crack swish roar growl ping pong pop urgh eek yow choke screech slam slop smooch smooch smooch smooch groan groan mmm umm ow yell groan moan whee yay boo hiss growl yoo yoo yoo yoo yoo yoo yoo yay chop chop chop chop click boom bash tap tap tap tap click click click click whirr swish gong bong crinkle blah blah blah blah blah doo dah dey blah dee doo dah dah dah dah dey ring ring thump thump ring ring thump thump click bang oops argh eek moan boing boing boing boing yell yum yum koo koo koo koo eek creak geek chop chop chop chop chop chop chop bing bang boing gah argh hump hump groan groan moan moan boo yay grr jump hop skip swish squeak sing sing creak click tick wick gong tick tock tick tock click clock click clock tip tap tip tap tip tap blah blah blah blah doo dah dey blah dee doo dah dah dah dah dey doo dum dopp plod yupblah blah blah blah doo dah dey blah dee doo dah dah dah dah dey doo dum dopp dug dig doo poo shoo boo goo loo gee whizz crack doo doo doo doo doo dah day blah blah blah blah blum blop yob gee on whee smooch blah doo wop shoo be doo wop shoo dop whoop clang boom swish slap ow oo ah oops yum yum yum yum mun kee kee kay kay koo kop seek boing boing boing boing go boing boing boing boing boing oo ah oops yum yum yum mun kee kee kay koo kop goo eek ching chang chop blah blah blah blah blah doo dah dey blah dee doo dah dah dah dah dey yell screech thump arf arf arf meow meow mew meow mew mew yum yum yum yum squeak bing bash doo doo doo

*points up* just because I wanted to make the entry look longer...........


Sunday, November 23

For some reason these questions just popped up in my mind a few days ago. I've only asked a few people about these questions, namely a very grouchy Weeping and stupid Alan. If you're smart enough to crank up an answer then leave it somewhere for me ya?

Is a condom with a hole or a torchlight with no batteries more useful?

AND

When someone offers you a penny for your thoughts, and you put in your two cents' worth, what happens to the other cent? - from Reader's Digest

lalalala the stuff I think about. HEY AT LEAST THEY ARENT CRAP FOR ONCE! these are intellectual questions! hmmmmph


Thursday, November 20

Uncle Kok
ASK UNCLE KOK

"i have smelly condoms & Kok sucks" - burp

Throw away the smelly condom! Then go buy new ones from some store. There's strawberry flavour, banana flavour, orange flavour, no flavour, durian flavour, Mickey Mouse flavour et al. Condoms remind me of Mentos. Yup.

"___________" - ________

Well the first thing to do if your keyboard has a problem with the _ key is to unplug it or throw it away and get a new one. Keyboards come in strawberry flavour, banana flavour, orange flavour, no flavour, durian flavour, Mickey Mouse flavour et al too.

"how long is ur dick?" - tok

Dear Tok, "dick", CANNOT BE MEASURED!!! Dick is defined by a dictionary as "a person's given name". And apparently some people have taken to calling me that. Simply because Kok=chicken/rooster/ostrich=cock=dick. Oh well. You can call me Uncle Dick too. Lalala.

"how long is ur dick" - tok

Fine then. I shall measure my middle finger then. Hmmph. Which amounts to....................10cm. MY GOD i didn't know my MIDDLE FINGER was so LONG. Okay okays I know I KNOW unnecessary details!

"how long is ur dick" - tok

Apparently someone was so desperate to know he asked 3 times.

"i have smelly socks & Kok sucks" -

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have smelly socks!?!?!?!?!?!? What's the big deal. Continue wearing them.

"how to be more happy?" - gnkokiak

Well you can start by smiling more. Or going outside and doing jumping jacks and shouting WOOO! at the same time. And indulging in whatever you want and need. Then you can be sad later on again when you're tired and bills arrive and money runs out. Good solution eh.

"do you like barney" - calvin

I love you, you love me, we are one big family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too? Ah see! I still remember the tune from Barney. Geez. Barney sounds like a flirt. But I think he's sexy. I shall sit on the fence then *neutral*



Have a problem? FRET NOT! Ask! Uncle Kok's here to help! Whether its a personal problem or something major like smelly socks, Kok can help! Replies usually take a few days and erm, don't move your cursor over my picture...to ask questions go the right column and scroll somewhere down. Lallaaa. I am smart. You are stupid. I have all the answers. You can start verbally abusing me now. *bish*


Monday, November 17



One of my hamsters died.
The left one I think.
Excessive fighting.
Grr.
Oh well.
Goodbye hamster.


Saturday, November 15

ASK UNCLE KOK
"kok y ur rabbit no color one?" - Your Optional Name

You're colorblind.

"haha" - haha-ishly johnny

I find this funny..ahhahaaa

"Why u tok so much cock?" - Your Optional Name

For the same reason cows can fly and pigs can dance and cats can play flutes.

"Got Question" - Your Optional Name

4 of these this time. CHANGEEEEEEEE THE QUESTION. Fine, if you won't, I will. *points right*



Guangxian complained that the Green fella was scary and ugly so I shall become Barney the dinosaur instead.

I'm starting to get uber bored these days. Again. Oh bummer.

I've also been dreaming a lot about past friends these few days...some I think I'm not destined to meet again...just last night I dreamt about meeting a wacky friend I had in the past called Jasmine and another funny dude called Kennard. I don't forget people who've made an impact in my life.

Oh yah, if I'm irritating or behaving sort of overly-friendly towards you these days just tell me straight. Don't hesitate. *points up* effects of boredom I guess

I have some soul-searching to do. And find something to keep me occupied. Guys who aren't guys get PMS too. Yup. Whatever that means.


Wednesday, November 12

YOU KNOW WHAT?! For some reason a few days ago (okay yesterday) I dreamt about each and every single person on my MSN contact list. I dreamt about...I don't know...okay something happened to each of them...some good some bad...which is like let's see...61 people?! I dreamt about something happening to 61 people in a night? Oh dear...here we go....go figure.....I can't recall what happened to everybody though.

I group my contacts

CTSS 4A1
1. Zhong Wei............pants fell down
2. Eugene Tan............turned into a bowling ball
3. Jun Yong............became an undertaker
4. Wee Ping............got stuck in a toilet bowl and was very angry
5. Xiu Hui............won some award
6. Kelly............was skipping around on a small island
7. Rui Xiang............became a clown
8. Pei Jie............lost his shoe
9. Siew Ching............became a gong
10. Roszaimy............turned into a sofa
11. Sheng Jin............couldn't stop barking suddenly
12. Kah Hwee............was in a phone advertisement
13. Chong Lean............made a mistake while playing soccer
14. Velda............turned into a fairy
15. Keng Yang............was stuck in an empty space
16. Poy Ling............went back to Malaysia
17. Kwan Siang............was slapping me
18. Clement............was singing in a choir
19. Bryan............was being roasted

CTSS SJAB
1. Khairana............turned into Medusa
2. Kelvin Kan............was sleeping in a van
3. Kee Sok............was smiling
4. Lee Xian............was closing the SJAB room window
5. Shahera............SMSed me
6. Sir Wayne............was doing push-ups

Other People
1. Arsalan............well I went to Australia to visit him
2. Yammie............turned into a yam
3. Zheng Xuan............can't remember
4. Edmund............we were having a pillow fight
5. Ching Ming............was digging a grave
6. Guice............was waiting for someone at Marina Square
7. Alan............I dreamt that we were both 7 years old and playing
8. Robin............was smiling and wearing a hairband
9. Jia Yi............can't remember
10. Al-Baqir............was killing people
11. Calvin Wong............was laughing a lot

RP
1. Lewis Smith............became a bird
2. Royston............was telling me to run 3 rounds around a field
3. Fadzhil............turned into the football player Laurent Blanc
4. Arliana............was a p___ star (!)
5. Hafidz............let me into Seoul Garden for free
6. Lawrence............got his laptop smashed
7. Justin............was erm, squeezing some balls
8. Jin Jie............was hacking some website
9. Marc............became Barney the dinosaur
10. Ghim Siu............won some Hexic competition
11. Siwe Ping............went back to Malaysia
12. Jeremy............was learning taekwondo
13. Karen Goh............gave me 'A's for all my tests

I can't remember what happened to the remaining 12
Oh yah another one of my teachers too...not in my contact list but I dreamt about him too

Extra
1. David Lee............will teach me again next semester

I think I possess clairvoyance. Maybe I think too much. HEY don't get offended...I wouldnt want negative things to happen to people. Unless your name is in my blacklist. If I dreamt of something negative for you...I don't know...its only a dream-mare....sorry...if something good...then YAY! uhahaha Kwan Siang/Guangxian says I'm scary because she thinks I'm eccentric *shrugs* I like with the eccentric part though YAY uhahaa


Tuesday, November 11

I'm not an information counter.

uhahaa why do people like to approach me along the streets and ask me for directions! Grrrr...

I shall point the next one who asks me in the wrong direction


Monday, November 10

?



blah blah blah blah doo dah dey blah dee doo dah dah dah dah dey doo dum dopp dug dig doo poo shoo boo goo loo gee whizz crack doo doo doo doo doo dah day blah blah blah blah blum blop yob gee on whee smooch blah doo wop shoo be doo wop shoo dop whoop clang boom swish slap ow oo ah oops yum yum yum yum mun kee kee kay kay koo kop seek boing boing boing boing go boing boing boing boing boing oo ah oops yum yum yum mun kee kee kay koo kop goo eek ching chang chop blah blah blah blah blah doo dah dey blah dee doo dah dah dah dah dey yell screech thump arf arf arf meow meow mew meow mew mew yum yum yum yum squeak bing bash doo doo doo doo doo dah dey crack swish roar growl ping pong pop urgh eek yow choke screech slam slop smooch smooch smooch smooch groan groan mmm umm ow yell groan moan whee yay boo hiss growl yoo yoo yoo yoo yoo yoo yoo yay chop chop chop chop click boom bash tap tap tap tap click click click click whirr swish gong bong crinkle blah blah blah blah blah doo dah dey blah dee doo dah dah dah dah dey ring ring thump thump ring ring thump thump click bang oops argh eek moan boing boing boing boing yell yum yum koo koo koo koo eek creak geek chop chop chop chop chop chop chop bing bang boing gah argh hump hump groan groan moan moan boo yay grr jump hop skip swish squeak sing sing creak click tick wick gong tick tock tick tock click clock click clock tip tap tip tap tip tap blah blah blah blah doo dah dey blah dee doo dah dah dah dah dey doo dum dopp plod yup

BING BANG GO AHEAD AND LEAVE "?" FOR COMMENTS TICK TOCK TICK TOCK CLICK CLICK CLOCK CLOCK YAY BOO HISS


Saturday, November 8

For some reason I keep on calling my (doe) rabbit Mr. Anderson these days. *shrugs*

Ahhh oh dear. I went to translate my definitions of Koknese words into French and back to English just now and geeeeeeeee....

BEFORE

Examples of Koknese
Kok [koc·k] (noun)

supreme being: the equivalent of God. All must bow to him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
uhahahahaa [oo·ha·ha·ha·haa] (interjection)

1. representing laughter: a word repeated to represent in writing the sound of laughter. Much more effective than "Ha-ha".
2. psychology: used to put people at ease
--------------------------------------------------------------------
bloodypieceofmonkeyspit [blar·dee·piss·of·mun·kee·speet] (noun)

unintelligent person: somebody who is unintelligent or slow to understand (informal insult)
  • "Alan, you're a bloodypieceofmonkeyspit!"

    AFTER

    Examples of Koknese
    Kok [ koc·k ] (name)

    to be supreme: the equivalent of God. All must curve with him.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    uhahahahaa [ oo·ha·ha·ha·haa ] (interjection)

    1. to laugh at representation: a word repeated to represent by writing the noise of the laughter. Much more effective than "Haha".
    2. psychology: people put at ease
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    bloodypieceofmonkeyspit [ blar·dee·pisse·de·mun·kee·speet ] (name)

    nobody unintelligent: somebody who east unintelligent or slow to include/understand (insult without ceremony)
  • "Alan, you are a bloodypieceofmonkeyspit!"



    All must curve with me. Including Mr. Anderson. And Mr Alan Koh. And Mr. TW Ping. And Mr Calvin Wong. And et al.


    Tuesday, November 4

    The University Of Madness is pleased to announce that it has set up a Linguistics Department to accommodate the official language that is going to be used within the campus and foresee the study of 3 languages. The new language that the smart Professors have developed over the past few months will be called Koknese. This move comes after reviewing the usage of other languages like some professor's 'F' language and some other professor's 'Elvish' language. Koknese is also similar to these languages in that they are all supplements to the English language. Oh whoopee.

    Example of 'F' Language
    English: Hello Weep you stink
    Translated into F: Hel Fel Lo Fo Weep Feep You Fou Stink Fink

    Now this language is confusing and hard to pick up and that's why only dimwits (like Prof. TW Ping and Mr Wilson) use it. Contrary to popular belief, F does not stand for the expletive f*ck. It stands for 'Freak' rather. And that sorta explains why Prof TW Ping looks like one. Lalala.

    Example of Elvish
    Elvish: imma [eye·mer] (pronoun)
    Translated into English: i, me, mine, myself, my

    I have no idea why one Elvish word can represent so many things. So for example the English phrase "Me, Myself and I" would become "Imma, Imma, Imma" in Elvish. Gee. Only Prof. G.L. Lynn uses it. Or maybe Elvis Presley uses it. There is more than 1 Elvish word.

    With this in mind the University Of Madness has developed a language called Koknese which will be much more understandable than the above two languages to use. Currently there are only 3 Koknese words. More will be developed in the near future.

    Examples of Koknese
    Kok [koc·k] (noun)

    supreme being: the equivalent of God. All must bow to him.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    uhahahahaa [oo·ha·ha·ha·haa] (interjection)

    1. representing laughter: a word repeated to represent in writing the sound of laughter. Much more effective than "Ha-ha".
    2. psychology: used to put people at ease
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    bloodypieceofmonkeyspit [blar·dee·piss·of·mun·kee·speet] (noun)

    unintelligent person: somebody who is unintelligent or slow to understand (informal insult)
  • "Alan, you're a bloodypieceofmonkeyspit!"

    With that, the University Of Madness (Linguistics Department) has concluded its first study and hereby officially advocates the use of these 3 languages. To register or make enquiries about classes in these languages, please dial 1800-9-128-6041.

    [add]
    OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
    From: Office Of Registrar f/ Office Of Human Resources

    This announcement hereby confirms the appointment of Dr. Justin Yew as Director for The University Of Madness' School Of Crap (SOC). We wish him bad luck in his new post. Lalalala.

    Signed,
    Alan the bloodypieceofmonkeyspit from Office Of Registrar


    Saturday, November 1

    I want to take up a part-time course. But I'm still searching.........still searching.........lalalalaa

    ah. so I was out with Alan like an hour ago. who asked him to forget to bring his house keys and have to go wander around Jurong Point(JP) with me. hmm what i did to him.

  • punch him with some "The Incredible Hulk" toy
  • blow his hair every so often
  • change his HP language to Malay. then he cant use his HP *evil*
  • put lipstick on him
  • flick water at him
  • teach him how to be romantic (I know leh...dont play play)
  • ask him to run around JP to find lip balm
  • made him pay for my drink

    You think I'm nasty? Why let's see what Alan did.

  • Go library study horrific Science/Biology/Molecular Cell blahblahblah
  • Eat measly McDonalds
  • Go nasty Toys'R'us or Toy-Ser-Rus and fondle some soft toy
  • Hum some awful Britney Spears song
  • Buy some erotic(?) facial cleanser
  • Show off his idiotic Pocket PC

    Now now...who do you think is more nasty...Alan right uhaha...fondling teddy bears etc..................?

  •