I don't have a lot to do these days, so what do I do to occupy myself? Well I sleep, watch pirated Simpsons DVDs, and look at girls of course! What'd you think I do, try and make my nipples glow in the dark? Bah!
Anyway, if you're gonna do girl-watching, you have to watch Miss Singapore Universe. And as Miss Singapore Universe concluded recently, I couldn't help but observe something odd about some of the contestants -- some of them look like Mediacorp TV stars! The rest of the contestants are probably stage extras or admin staff in Mediacorp that look half decent. Take a look at the comparisons below.
I don't know what the contestant's name is, probably June or July or something, but she looks like Amy Cheng to me. Some of you might disagree and say she looks like some Taiwanese celebrity - well fair enough. But keep looking, I've got more.
Hereeeee's Fiona! What's she doing here? And why's she changed her name to Jade Seah too? I was rooting for her to win though after I thought she answered that difficult law question brilliantly.
It's Jeanette Aw in both pictures I tell you! Look at the similar poses too!
The contestant's name is Geraldine Loo. Bluff people lar. Her real name's Michelle Chia.
Phyllis Quek with the mole covered up eh?
They even brought Sandra Oh of Gray's Anatomy in as a special guest!
Jacelyn Tay...well not the strongest comparison though.
And this is Zoe Tay lar.
Well now you've seen the comparisons - it's a whole scam this Miss Singapore competition! They should have crowned Fiona Xie! She's DA BOMB! DAWG! PART OF THE DAWG POUND! YEEEAH! But who cares when they're all girls. Just look good, don't try and make your nipples glow in the dark, and we're not complaining!
For some reason every single school I go to appears to turn bad after a while or is incredibly slow in doing things. It's ridiculous!
Take RP for example. RP was all fine and dandy on the first day, and at the end the next day I'm thinking to myself "Hey man, this school is corrupt! Cool!". And don't mention the speed at which RP does things. I'm telling you if the rabbit had gone for a toilet break or eaten some cheese he would still have won the race! Or I dunno, maybe a sheep too. You get my idea don't you?
Now I have another situation with NTU. It's ridiculous too! Everything is ridiculously ridiculous about the ridiculous! I'm not scared of rejection just tell me my damned ridiculous admission result quickly!
One thing that's not ridiculous is this sheep counting process. This picture above was taken from some Norwegian band called Robert Post. I'm sure they ride sheep and watch re-runs of Postman Pat all day over there in Norway. They do, don't they? I don't know what I'm writing!
Right, so how many sheep are there? Don't complain its silly because you got the answer wrong! Just shut up and count!
If I may use an analogy, every single post of a blog can be likened to a song. Each song is part of an album. Some are hit singles, some are just merely album fillers. I will readily admit that I have been writing album fillers of late simply because I can't find any inspiration or interest to write. My creative juices and outlets have run dry and been exhausted because I've been spending my days lazing around at home.
*****
Every single day for the past few weeks I have been sitting, waiting, for a letter, a reply, a phonecall, anything. Every single day I open my mailboxes with renewed anticipation, only to be let down by nothing again.
I'm not scared of rejection I'm just impatient. I want prompt replies and results damnit. Every single school I encounter seems to be corrupt or incredibly slow in doing things.
I'm amazed at Osim. I don't know how they manage to survive and get away with irritatingly naming their products like something from Apple.
Now there's this new TV ad that's not new. Guess where its showing? On TV of course! Don't tell me you didn't get that one. Anyway, its the one where Jacelyn Tay's riding a horse and suddenly this Ix guy magically appears from nowhere. Woah! Persuaded by her fairy godfather that she should be more modern, Jacelyn ends up riding on this new iGallop product. By the way, what kind of name is Ix? Hendrix? Roman Number Nine? Ixacentridopoulous? What? But iDigress. (ha!)
Here's the (boring) ad if you've been stuck in a hatch all your life pushing a button. Or if you come from somewhere where they ride sheep instead, like Norway maybe.
So, does anybody also think that Jacelyn Tay looks bloody pornographic riding on that machine thing??! I mean, she's sitting there and going up and down and looking as pleased as cheese. Or punch. Or a girl sitting on a ugly weird horse thing going up and down looking like she'd rather be eating cheese and punch then sitting on a stupid horse thing.
Behold, here it is again! It's yellow now. It looks like a flattened mango here. So now if Jacelyn were to ride this she would be riding a flattened mango instead of a purple horse thing. Stuff that fuels imaginations and fantasies! Brilliant stuff from Osim! A new softcore sex toy for people out there who fantasise about riding on flattened mangoes! Do you fantasise about such stuff? I certainly do! Okay maybe I shouldn't have said that.
But not all is bad though. Osim claims that this machine is based on Hippotherapy, which means the more you ride the more you'll look and behave like a hippy hippo. After 6 weeks you'll be shaking your hip around the house and breaking things.
To conclude, Osim should have gotten Fiona Xie again instead! Wasted lar stupid company. Then they can name their product more appropriately after her, like I dunno, fGallop or xGallop or something. Or The Mango Riding Machine. And if you rearrange the name Fiona you'll get Niofa, which doesn't mean anything actually, just in case you were, you know, curious.
Anyway, I'm sure more people fantasise about Fiona Xie riding on a flattened mango right?
Just imagine...
Fiona Xie...
maybe wearing a bikini instead. I took it from Abercrombie and Bitch, er sorry, Fitch, if it makes it more appealing to you. And make it 'wearing only EITHER piece' if you want. You choose which piece! It's your fantasy!
...And riding and going up and down on this! Just imagine! Ha!
