kokkai


Tuesday, April 29

Darius Vassell & Edwin van der Sar
OW! Coach said kick the ball! Not balls!

Another one.


Monday, April 28

hmm...don't really have anything to write about...been pretty inactive lately...nothing much spectacular...hmm...maybe I do have stuff to write about. At least you don't have to see another horrible photo. Ahhhh...the photos are proof that I really have loads of free time now...look at the thing around my neck in yesterday's picture...that was some thing that's supposed to be draped on the sofa...tried to imitate WWE wrestler Hulk Hogan but ended up like...erm.....that?

ahhh...wrestling....watching men in underwear throwing fake punches at each other...it can get pretty hilarious at times...you see a guy apparently ramming his opponents head into steps and the guy's head bounces off the steps as though it was made of sponge or something...there's also tons of weird wrestlers with weird costumes and weird personalities...there's this guy who's supposed to be covered in gold or something and he, well, is as good as wrestling as an Oscar award. There's also this green monkey guy who's supposed to be a superhero or something. At least he doesn't wear red underwear. I love the creative geniuses at WWE. Weird Wrestling Entertainment.

hmmm....what is it with superheroes and undies...Superman wears red undies on the outside...Batman wears black...the guy from X men who has a laser beam from his eyes (cyclops I think) wears yellow....The Incredible Hulk wears boxers...Ultraman wears some stupid whole body underwear developed by the Japanese...Spiderman has some high-class underwear in that no VPL or rather VULs (visible undie lines) show up when he bends over..Ninja turtles look very RA to me...The Tick doesn't wear any...acccck...superheroes seem to have an underwear fetish...people...watch your laundry lines and ensure that colourful underwear are not stolen from you...which wouldn't really be a problem for guys since we get free shows....ahhhh....what am I talking about..


Sunday, April 27

jean le cool
normal posting of crap will resume in 1 day(s) time. Thanks for the comments.


Thursday, April 24

Dear blog, I am writing to you because I have to one to turn to vent my frustrations.

D A M N.

I guess I've to follow where life brings me now. I was really hoping to be at NP but apparently my appeal to God came a day late. Last time I asked for my commenting system and he responded in 3 days. I didn't give him 3 days notice this time. Guess I've to motivate myself for an unwanted course and start thinking about plus points. If I could turn back time I would definitely choose to re-do my interview. I answered their questions flatly, I didn't maintain eye contact, I appeared edgy and I didn't leave an impression. Guess I'm not meant to do these stuff. Guess I'm not supposed to carry on life with certain people.

I don't wanna do seemingly dead stuff. I wanna use my imagination to the max. Now I've lost the chance. Damn. Don't mention Lasalle. Lasalle = creativity. Me = imaginative. Damndamndamn. And to even think I was telling people how confident I was. This is one bitter pill to swallow. Guess I'll have to try and make my mark from scratch. Don't worry about me because this is probably one of life's lessons. You can't have everything you want.

Thanks Yammie for listening to me. Hope you do well in the course you choose.
Thanks Weep for whatever you've done. You're a genius.
Thanks Kelly for your enthusiasm and cheerfulness. You're a great person and befitting of a Queen.

The journey ends here for me.

[add]
Sigh. Kinda saw it coming. I never get what I want in life.

ahhh...have to look on the bright side of life now...just realised that it is potentially easier to get into RP's football team (if they have any). Ahhh...then I can go and play football and be a football superstar....I can be Singapore's messiah in GOAL2010 as national team captain....ahhhh..maybe that's what God planned for me...told you I was imaginative..

[add+add]
hmm...i seem to sound EXTREMELY melancholic...don't worry...I've kinda taken it in my stride now..here's another picture with a horrible caption.
referee=uriah rennie player=ian pearce
People were curious to see what the new traffic light looked like...


Wednesday, April 23

luis figo
Look! I'm levitating with one foot! Take that David Blaine...betcha can't do this!

I have no idea why I've been captioning pictures these few days...maybe it's because I've been listening to that Lemon Tree song too many times these few days. Bleach.

[add]
Football stuff here. Hmm. Man Utd are out of the Champions League after that f*cking bastard Ronaldo scored 3 goals. Man Utd won this game 4-3 but it just wasn't enough. They lost the overall score 6-5 to Real. Real had like 5 shots on target in this match and scored 3, while United had like 13 and scored 3, with the addition of an own goal from Ivan Helguera. If only Ruud had not hit the post. If only Ole had not headed wide. If only Beckham had not blasted his free kick over we would have gone through in amazing fashion. I guess you can't have good things in your life always. Maybe God's been a little kinder in that United won this match but it's kinda disappointing to go out after our terrific performances in Europe this season.

Overall I was happy about 2 things. One was that United played a magnificent attacking game and secondly, was that the guy you see above was fouled constantly throughout the match. Maybe the Man Utd players saw him levitating too and thought it was horrible and kinda tried to stop him doing that again. I was also unhappy about 2 things. One was that Nicky Butt played liked a erm, butt. Another was that I HAVE TO PAY $5.40 FOR 9 SMS GOAL ALERTS. There were 7 goals and each one is an SMS, 2 for half time and full time scores, and I have to pay $5.40 for a match where United didn't really make it through the next round. Boo.

I'm not sure whether to take this as an ominous or good sign from God about my application for FSV. Ominous that good things are not coming my way or optimistic that this is a slight disappointment and he'll make it up in the FSV thing. Why do I even bother with God. Are you still hanging around there God? If you are then thanks for giving back my commenting thing. And just gimme one more thing in the form of FSV. If you do that I take back my words about you and promise to go to a church at least one more time in this life. And I previously vowed not to go to church any more on my own accord or unless someone special drags me there you know. Bleargh.

P.S. to answer a comment, why don't you try and listen to that Lemon Tree song? I dunno but it kinda brings out weird reactions from me whenever I hear that song. See what's it done to me. I'm typing a whole load of garbage. Maybe the next time it'll make me go and do the macarena in the street. Hmm. I think I can use my psychic powers here. You must be thinking

Natalie Imbruglia in Johnny English: "I'd like to see you try"

Right?


Tuesday, April 22

glenn roeder
Oh my god...I..I...think I just saw..a..a....cow.

This blog is getting too graphic intensive.


Monday, April 21

football star li tief4 guy with horrible name
The one on the left is Everton football star Li Tie and the one on the right is the guy from F4 with a horrible name. China/Taiwan/HK people all look the same. Maybe they shouldn't try to stop SARS in China so more people can die and we won't have so many similar looking Chinamen. Bleah. And I can't believe I actually went to a search engine and searched for F4 pics.


Sunday, April 20

DISCLAIMER: the following stuff is rather 'cheem' and controversial. All these stuff below are written through a half drunken state from drinking too many cans of root beer. DO NOT take the following stuff seriously.

hmm...didn't do much...apart from stepping into a church or any religious building for that matter in like...a year?

No offence to the people who go to CHC but you have to feel that that building looks like a shopping mall. It's like so different from other churches...its somewhat...stylo and like a church for cool people. Even the pastor is like somewhat cool. I don't know if that's the case for most churches but I had always thought pastors of church were in the form of some white haired old man. Dunno. I just went there to watch an Easter performance. I'm not a holy person.

I can honestly tell you I'm not a holy person because there were a few bad things I did (not sins since I don't worship anybody...maybe Hades..since I keep telling people to go to hell). One was thinking of dirty thoughts before stepping into the church. I am not a pervert. You just get these dirty thoughts sometimes. Another thing I did was thinking about bombing the church while they were praying. Told you I wasn't holy.

Even an unholy person struggles to stop all this propaganda from entering you. I know I'm being somewhat rude and flippant by labelling religions as propoganda but just going to the church brainwashed me. Previously I didn't think there was any God. I thought people just died and bacteria do all sorts of nonsense to you. No soul. No spirit whatever. Now I'm trying to purge Jesus out of my head because I still want to remain a free thinker. Or maybe it's because I worship Hades. Bleah. How can a superhero worship Hades.

Actually, if you look at it, everybody goes to hell. Most people are cremated and they're pushed into fire and brimstone. People who are buried make it seem like they're one step closer to hell. Probably the only people who aren't going to hell are those who are in cyrogenics and those preserving their bodies. Bah. Forget what I typed in this paragraph. It's all rubbish.

I have to stress that the stuff I just wrote above should not be taken seriously. It's just what I think. Thoughts can be changed so do not blast me or hold a cold war or be prejudiced or whatever against me. I'm writing this when the commenting thing is down because this is controversial stuff. I mean no harm. Lord Jesus, Allah, Buddha, any god, bless the world.

Darn. I just realised this piece may have harmed my chances of getting into FSV. God, I do not believe in you so leave me alone. If you're still there trying to interfere, at least give me back my commenting system.


Saturday, April 19

Oh whoopee. I just found out that someone typed 'Lau Beng Hwee' in a search engine and that person somehow landed on this blog.

If you're looking for information on a guy called Lau Beng Hwee and got to this page well I can provide some information for you on the Lau Beng Hwee I know.

Lau Beng Hwee is balding and wears glasses.
Lau Beng Hwee is 38 years old. (subject to confirmation)
Lau Beng Hwee is shorter than me. I'm 5'10".
Lau Beng Hwee is married.
Lau Beng Hwee is a right hander.
Lau Beng Hwee is a Biology/Chemistry teacher in CTSS
Lau Beng Hwee is a bit pudgy
Lau Beng Hwee doesn't shave his armpits. Or leg hair. Don't puke.
Lau Beng Hwee is hirsute. Except for his head.
Lau Beng Hwee is loud
Lau Beng Hwee lives near Boon Lay MRT station and 2 roads from me.
Lau Beng Hwee has a daughter. Or a son. Dunno.
Lau Beng Hwee is in charge of CTNPCC. Dunno.
Lau Beng Hwee is a guy. Dunno.
Lau Beng Hwee was last seen by me on 15th March.
Lau Beng Hwee doesn't drive a car
Lau Beng Hwee still remembers me
Lau Beng Hwee has a wardrobe that consists of 5 shirts and 5 pants and 2 shoes.
Lau Beng Hwee wears brown socks.
Lau Beng Hwee is a nice guy.
Lau Beng Hwee was the inspiration behind the name of my e-mail account. What lar.
Lau Beng Hwee is remembered by me for using the phrases "Bile is produced in the liver" and "Remember, we are not offering sleeping as an 'O' Level subject".

That's all I know about him. If you got the wrong guy then go search again. This is the fantastic Mr Willy Wonka I know.


Friday, April 18

ahahahahahahahahaha.


Thursday, April 17

Apparently Tok got the highest amount of votes to be my sidekick and that kinda surprised me a bit. He's horizontally challenged, vertically challenged, diagonally challenged whatever. He's perfect.

So from now on he'll be The Incredible Tok and when we combine forces to save the world, the day, someone's life or whatever, we'll be THE INCREDIBLE TOK KOK!

The hierachy
The Kok..and stop pointing at me.Tok
The Incredible Tok Kok

maybe I should hire a special agent too...or else she'll be idling aroung and destroying my house
Bunny Bond
Agent #008 Bunny Bond

Fiend
The Grim Weeper
The Grim Weeper, my 'arch rival'. Was hanging out at the cafe where he works a few days ago and almost hurt my jaw eating a sandwich prepared by him. Apparently he forgot to take out my sandwich from the microwave and my sandwich became a rock. And no, that is not the unit number of his lair so don't go there and hurl abuse because you're likely to be attacked by some palace guards of a certain Queen. Look at that evil sneer of his.

Kahwee has a blog. The Broom

Note: Last picture taken from Kelly...hope you don't mind...I'll remove it if you have any objection


Sorry for not udpating these few days..feeling Arrrrgh! Molester! Get ur filthy cursor off me!...will update when I'm better. And yeah, my interview went rather well, although I think I screwed it up a little by appearing jittery, blabbering irrelevant things and not maintaining eye contact. Hardly the best interviewee. Bleah.

Hmm...Yammie labelled me as 'cute' and 'act cute' within a minute for using the word 'bleah'. I have been labelled cute before by people (most prominently by the photocopy lady at my alma mater) but never 'act cute'. Bleah.


Saturday, April 12

bleach...nobody has stepped forth to be my sidekick and that means I have to appoint one myself. And let's have a voting thingy.

Candidates to be my sidekick
DaNotty Bunny...my sidekick
VOTE DA'NOTTY BUNNY
A novice in politics...but an expert in mass destruction. And I get in bed with her once in a while.


Tok
VOTE TOK
A seasoned campaigner....in well...erm...bah..if he gets it he'll be the The Incredible Tok and we'll be The Incredible Tok Kok.

Vote Here


Friday, April 11

Drifted to Millenia Walk yesterday...I didn't know there was a Man Utd store there...anyway what kinda store is that...it doesn't even sell the club's jerseys.

Hmm...didn't do much..and I don't feel like writing crap today..if you don't consider what I have written so far to be crap...maybe you can play 'spot the differences' with the page. I made a few changes (3 I think) and see if you can spot them. Accck.

[add]
I just found out that I don't have a sidekick. I have a lousy fiend in The Grim Weeper but I don't have a sidekick. Anybody wants to be the sidekick for the world's worst superhero? Applications open now.


Thursday, April 10

Hmm...didn't do much actually these few days...most of my time out of the house was spent around shopping centres drifting...drifted to Queensway today(Thur) with Wilson..and THAT Wilson really needs a bashing...I called him at the Boon Lay Interchange on my HP and told him to go to the bus stop to wait for the bus licence number 9474 with the nerdy driver driving it and get on it when it came to his stop...and goody...he refused and insisted that I call him to go down when the bus reached Jurong Primary. And goody again. The bus reached his stop and he wasn't there. I had to get off the bus and walk back a stop and wait for him.

Didn't really do much at Queensway...saw Farishah for like the second time in 2 days and had a rather bizarre meal at Mac's which I don't think anybody would try. I had a sundae and Willy had some Nasi Lemak. Or McNasi or whatever thay call that. Maybe you should try some of the variations I did to my sundae. Some of them turned out quite nice.

The meal
Chocolate sundae
Vanilla fries (Nice!)
Chocolate fries
Curry sundae (DON'T TRY THIS)
Curry + fries + salt sundae (I think you know how this tasted)
Chocolate cucumber
Vanilla Coke

Didn't try chilli 'cos I don't eat chilli. It would have tasted nasty anyway. Anyway...I made one discovery today...curry doesn't mix well with vanilla.

[add]
saw something at Queensway which triggered memories...a shop selling those McDonald's beanies...unfortunately they didn't have what I didn't have...

Do you have Betty Lou or Benny Rabbit? Contact me if you have.
I know it may sound weird but I used to collect these toys from McDonald's when I was a kid...I still look for the missing 2 these days...I remember I used to pig out at Mac's everytime a new toy came out and got my mother and brother to eat for me...I even went to different stores to see which toy they were selling (some stores had a different toy)...I have this stubborn habit of wanting to complete any collection I start and I remember I was very upset when I failed to get these 2...it didn't get to the extent till I cried but I was upset...very...if anybody has these 2 and is willing to sell them do contact me...I'm willing to pay up to $15 for the bunny and $10 for the doll...and THAT is a LOT for 2 beanies which aren't even THAT old...I won't buy from you if you have a full collection or are left with one or two like me as I don't like to ruin other people's collection...sigh...wonder how I can pig out at Mac's daily in the past and still be so skinny...


Tuesday, April 8

The Kok..and stop pointing at me.

If anyone wants to rip my stuff at least give the poor guy who wrote all this some credit...and no my skin colour is not green, I am very healthy, I am not blind and I didn't do anything to my lips. Use this pic if you need my face. I don't like taking photos. Heh. I look like some Korean superstar don't I?

Nah (interjection)
Nah is a 3 letter word. And if you have been reading my definitions of key-words-you-should-have-in-your-vocabulary-but-are-not-in-the-Oxford-or-Cambridge-or-some mouldy-University-dictionary, you should know by now that 3 letter words are extremely dangerous. Oh golly. The most dangerous woman on earth must be Mrs Tan Bee Bee. Which explains her action of banishing a mushroom to sit in solitude at the side bench to smell and harm himself with chemicals. And ordering good people like Huang Yiwei to sit outside a Science Lab and play with ants. And making us mad by vandalizing our homework. And blah blah blah blah blah....

Right. Back to the point. Nah is just a longer term for no. No is just the abbreviation for it so that people do not have to waste ink and time by typing in an extra letter. That's all. However, even though it's meaning is rather simple, it's pronounciation - nah. To be brutally honest, most people pronounce it as Narrrr. The correct pronounciation according to Kylie Minogue should be Nnnn-ah. Or N-aaaahh. I think you should find that song where she goes Nanana like some mad lady. Or you should find that song by Train, drops of Jupiter I think, where they also go Nanana like mad people. There seems to be an infatuation with singers and Nah...maybe they should try 'no' instead. Like

Kylie:"can't get you outta my head, (some garbage), no no no no no no no no no no no no (carry on for an hour)."

Maybe Kylie Minogue should take some Panadol so that she won't get headaches and sing songs that make her sound like she's possesed. Heh. I just found out that if you spell Nah backwards you get Han. And if you jumble the word up you get Ahn. Hmm..isn't there a Korean superstar whose surname is Ahn...maybe I look like him! Ahhhh....

to be continued
With help from The Grim Weeper
this is probably my worst entry out of the 4 b'cos my sanity is returning..boo...


Hmm...asked Tok to help me enquire for a job at the Man Utd store...my course's finished temporarily...if they have one that allows for me to work on just Saturday and Sunday maybe I'll go for it...and yar..bull...Man Utd just lost to Real Madrid 1-3...how in the world are they going to get to the final? Arrrgh..


Monday, April 7

Maybe somebody can dedicate a section of their site for some pure crap. I can make a book out of these stuff. Bleah.

Wahlao (some Hokkien phrase)
Hmm..I don't have much resources on this term...mainly because I don't have much resources. And I don't have my terrible sidekick The Grim Weeper to help me out. God knows where he went. Bummer.

Wahlao is supposedly an English interpretation of the Hokkien version, also called Wahlao. The Greek version's also called Wahlao. The only version that is possibly different is the Martian version which sounds something like "whoopee". Ooh. Pretty easy to pronounce too. Just go 'Wah Cow!". Hmm. That sounded like something else.

People have different views on what is possibly Wahlao. Malaysian Rocket Scientist Foo Wan Yueh describes it as a vulgarity and she refuses to use that word. Some old geezer says it's supposed to be a show of surprise and unhappiness. My super-instincts think it's something else. If you break up the word up it becomes 'wah lao'.' Wah' means wah. Or eh or erm. Erm lao. Bah. Wah. Lah. Lah lao. Lao can take on many different meanings. It can be a wrong spelling of some place in outer space called Laos. Or it can mean 'old' (ÀÏ) when you translate it from Chinese. So wah lao can be possibly 'wah old'. The next time you see people using 'wahlao' or 'wahlao eh', what they're trying to say is 'wah you're old' or 'wah you're old eh' if you're nameless.

Hmm...I tried using HansVision to define what 'wah lao' is and they came up with this. ÍÚÀÏ. I think ÍÚ's supposed to mean dig. I dunno. If ÍÚ appears like some picture to you then never mind. Anyway, according to the good people at HansVision, wahlao's supposed to mean 'dig old'. So the next time you see someone or something use 'wahlao', what they're possibly trying to imply are that they're an undertaker. Or the guys at the company dig girls that are a century old. Accck.

Wahlao = you're old
Wahlao eh = you're old, eh (if your name is eh)
Wahlao Dick = you're old, Dick

to be continued
No thanks to The Grim Weeper
With some help from Her Royal Highness Queen Kelly *bows*


Sunday, April 6

arrrgh...someone give me a topic to write about...serious case of blogblock here..i tend to write crap before i go to sleep so you can roughly gauge what time i sleep daily by looking at the time...bah...i'll just pick up from yesterday's...

Erm (another interjection)
hmm...it's a tough one this...this thing here's a 3 letter word. And you should all know how dangerous 3-letter words can be. Rude words are 4 letters (sh*t, f*ck) but dangerous words are 3 letters. Don't ask me why they're dangerous. Hmmm. Maybe you can ask why they're dangerous. Look at my name. Kok. That's real dangerous isn't it? Makes you wanna erm..er...what does it make you wanna do?

Erm is potentially harmful and it can do a lot of damage. An example of the damage "erm" can do is driving a person mad through waiting. Erm is usually pronounced erm. Not er, eugh, emmy, her, oof, tok, bam or whatever. Just erm. Now practice. Erh-mmm. Erhmmm. Er-mmm. Ermmmmmm. Good. Ah see. I just found out another harm erm does. Potential sore-throat causer.

Erm's usually used when a person is in deep thought. See the text below for an example of 2 professors at the University of Madness in deep thought and using the word 'erm'
<`aRChErb0|> eh
<`kOK> and u and i neber stay home 1
<`aRChErb0|> silly thing u haf done?
<`kOK> cannot write about eh again
<`aRChErb0|> hahaa
<`aRChErb0|> write erm lah
that wasn't very useful in explaining erm but never mind.

Now erm is usually used by...erm...i have no idea. Hmm yah. ALBERT EINSTEIN used and invented the word 'erm'. Remember the formula E=mc2? Originally it was e=rm. Hence Erm. R=c2. I know it isn't scientifically correct but it is kokfically correct. So there. ALBERT EINSTEIN invented 'erm'. Or it can be Newton if you prefer. Or Vic Zhou. Whatever.

With help from The Grim Weeper


Saturday, April 5

suffering from 'blogger's block'. Or blog block. whatever.

<`kOK> eh
<`kOK> gimme something to write about
<`aRChErb0|> eh
<`kOK> wad
<`kOK> oh
<`aRChErb0|> thinking
<`kOK> write about 'eh'

Eh (interjection)
hmm...'eh' as you can see is a 2 letter word. it's made up of the letters 'e' and 'h' and it can have many pronounciations. People in Singapore pronounce it something like "urrgh" or "a". Some African tribe pronounces it as "air-heeg". Tok Rui Xiang pronounces it as "hea". Some people laugh like that. Constipated people pronounce it as "arrgh". Eh eh eh eh eh.

Origins of 'eh' are somewhat unknown. Rumour has it that some country people copied it from hyenas so that they could go 'ehhhhhhhhhh' all day in the fiels to lure hyenas out. Since everybody looked like a hyena in those days with permed hair and whatever everybody called each other 'eh'.

'eh' is usually used as something to call people. Like in "Eh Dick, when's April Fools Day?". Some people consider it rude to call people using 'eh'. Professors at the University of Madness have yet to find out why this is considered rude. A survey around the world revealed what most nameless people prefer being called and 'eh' ranked 3rd after 'boy' and 'oi'. Most commom users of 'eh' include mainly people, people in the army and Sia Zhong Wei.

Another bunch of people who use 'eh' are nursery school kids. Most of the nusery school kids who use this word use it because
a. they don't know a single word and mutter this as communication
b. they forgot how to spell 'he'
c. they thought the letter 'h' follows the letter 'e' in the alphabet..a, b, c, d, e, h, g.....
d. they hear their sister scream "S.H.E.!" and they try act smart by spelling it backwards to show the teacher

another alternative definition
to be continued


Friday, April 4

bah...i really don't have anything to write about...maybe I'll write about da bunny...

20 things my bunny has destroyed
  • boxes
  • my mouse
  • its food container (doesn't like the color)
  • my sound system
  • an iron
  • textbooks
  • the parquet flooring
  • MY CLOTHES
  • rubber mats
  • the broom
  • the sofa (bleah)
  • my plush cat's handkerchief (bully)
  • wall partitions
  • spectacles (fortunately not mine)
  • cups
  • telephone
  • calenders
  • handphone charger
  • plastic bag

  • hmm..what else...1 more left...oh. found it.
  • my man utd magazines (apparently she isn't a fan..i think she supports arsenal.)

  • pretty mild mannered bunny huh?


    Thursday, April 3

    aww man...this sucks...putting up a SERIOUS appeal for someone to watch 'oliver'...

    <`kOK> yar
    <`kOK> he dun wan liao
    <`kOK> dunno why
    <`kOK> so now i think it over
    <`kOK> and most probably
    <`kOK> given my crazy nature
    <`kOK> i'll go buy 2 tix and give 1 to someone to follow me to watch

    aww man..if anybody's interested (no strangers) to prolly get a free ticket leave a comment by 1pm according to the commenting thingy...set at GMT+8hrs so it should be correct...make sure you have no restrictions like money or your parents and you DON'T PULL OUT just when i'm about to buy the tix...if no one wanna go then i'll prolly give the extra ticket to my bunny....to eat....time's ticking.....


    Wednesday, April 2



    superman should buy a bigger size shirt...obviously size 'S' is too small for him...