kokkai

Monday, August 30

From Sufi's blog

WTH I look so fat on TV! YAY!

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Saturday, August 28

This picture shows a man hanging from a wall either on his own will or after being asked by a photographer to pose. The weather is sunny and is probably a good time to hang on walls. The wall is rather high up so they probably used a chair to help the man to hang on the wall if the man was posing. If the man was hanging on the wall on his own will I think he could have jumped up or something. He is also wearing casual street wear which might suggest he was someone they asked along the streets to pose for a shot for a while. I think they are trying to convey the message that hanging on the wall is fun and a bizarre activity to do so everybody should go start hanging on walls and ledges these days. I think the guy is feeling tired and is thinking about when he will be allowed to drop to the ground soon. Wall hanging is a tiring activity.

And I will answer those questions soon.

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Friday, August 20

I'm NOT a boy
NOT yet a MAN
With some BLACK hair
No WHITE hair

I'm a N.E.R.D
Own big black glasses
Short-sighted
Poor eyesight

One nose
Two eyes
Three ears
Four mouth

That makes me a
MONSTER!
GeeK!

[note from kok: thank you winnie whatever youre writing ahhaa]

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Saturday, August 14

These days as I walk along the streets I see lots of guys wearing tee shirts and polos in this shade of pink.

some are worse they wear this shade of pink too

I don't know what's up with them. When I see guys who wear those 2 particular shades of pink I think either

1. they're trying to show girls that they're in touch with their feminine side
2. they think this is cool to go with their patented taiwan popstar hairstyles
3. they're gay
4. they're colorblind
5. whatever
6. or they have just plain bad dress sense

because it just looks plain awful on them!
god they're a PUBLIC NUISANCE they're an EYESORE
WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE GOD THEY'RE AWFUL
look people are walking then there this big PINK FELLOW IN FRONT OF THEM EWWWGRRRR
pink is a girl color girls look nice and dandy in pink color
they look like little fair cute and dainty maidens in pink
and so the human mind has been set to associate these 2 shades of pink with feminine qualities.

and these guys ruin it all by looking like GIANT STRAWBERRY ICECREAMS or ALBINO MONKEYS that taste SOUR when they wear pink polos in particular and that awful puremilk whatever pink tee too

god they look horrendous.

okay, i said up there that these pinks have been associated with feminine qualities. so youre walking along the street you see this pink you instinctively think "GIRL! is she pretty??!" and then you look closer you have this big punk who looks plain awful wearing a pink polo.

if guys want to wear pink I'd suggest they wear darker shades

like this.

some of you may go "eeewww too bright!" but I saw a guy wearing a tee this shade of pink and I thought he looked quite nice! in fact....he looked FUNKY...you know...FUNNNNNKY...and definitely not a PUBLIC NUISANCE

or maybe this shade. no not with the stars and all of course i put them there for fun
but maybe with some funkadelic psychadelic whatverdelic pattern or picture would look nice and sorta FUNNNNNNNNKY in a clubbing way. hmm. i'd wont mind wearing this shade of pink though.

this is....well....i dunno I drew it for fun this is more towards kids...more like Barney's colour....BUT STILL!!!! HMMM!!!! guys shouldnt wear bright shades of pink. they just look awful. they dont look cool, they dont look funky, they dont look nice at all, they don't look like they're in touch with the feminine side they dont look like anything but this

okay that looks too cute.
they look like this

aiya, THEY JUST LOOK HORRIBLE LAR PLEASE ENCOURAGE YOUR GUY FRIENDS TO STOP WEARING PINK GRRRRR!!!!!!

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Saturday, August 7

ASK UNCLE KOK

"do you have video of how to scratch balls in public? I WANT TO
SEE! MORE MORE MORE!" - zippy

okay, so I didn't go and record one on scratching balls. maybe next time. but i'll post the arse scratching one here again because its taking up space on my server and im not going to store it there and show it only once. HAH!

if you cant see it then you can download it by right clicking here,
and choosing 'save target as'.

"are you a virgin?" - zippy

No. HA HA HA

okay yes. why? what are you gonna do to me?!

actually, I wonder how and what you can use to define guys' virginity. Girls have some piece of skin called the hymen or something that protects stuff and breaks upon penetration or maybe during extreme sports blahblahblah and lots of guys get very bothered about this because they want to show they're King of the Bedroom or whatever. But what do guys have to mark virginity? GUYS HAVE THE HORN. once they do it, they crave for it. and hence the word horny came about. YES VERYGOOD

"kokky r...y u wear more n more decent now of these day ? 'winkz'" - ping

got meh? so my dressing in the past was outrageous ah. COOL!

NERD is proud to bring you our Fall Winter collection

checked shirt ($9.00), white polo ($23.00), red shorts (dunno)

tucked in is IN now. tuck in all your tail ends today!
why bother deciding between uneven tail ends or straight
tail ends, or whether to show them? tuck them all IN.

NERD's Fall/Winter Collection will leave you nerdy and
outrageously swanky!

"wat is life?" - tok

why, that sounds like what one would say before he/she jumps down a building or hangs himself. HA HA HA. wait a minute. PLEASE DONT COMMIT SUICIDE!!!!! PLEASE DON'T!! ALAMAK YOU STAY RIGHT THERE AND I'LL COME RIGHT OVER GOD WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU...is it because I wanted discount when I went to the Man U store buy stuff that time?!!

"kok today bad mood arh" - kok

now I don't have any idea how to answer this. DON'T YOU DARE PISS ME OFF THEN

"why ostriches can't fly and aeroplanes can?" - mc-a-mc-a-sha

scientists have discovered that the fastest animal on Earth is actually a cow dropped out of an aeroplane. The speed at which a cow drops down from an aeroplane is actually slightly faster than the current record holder, the cheetah.

At a press conference, a British cheetah said "This is absolutely poppycock! How can a bloddy cow be faster than us cheetahs?! How do you all conduct your experiments?! Don't you know that an object falls at uniform speed?! Just because my name has a 'cheet' doesn't mean I cheated! YOU ALL CHEATED! OH POPPYCOCK!"

In response, scientists say they conducted the experiment with absolute precision and fairness and there were no grounds to the British cheetah's claims. They also mentioned the main reason why ostriches can't fly is that they have too much poo in them and a plane can fly because it simply dumps poo out in the air and when they dump they need to shake a little and that is why you have air turbulence.

"how to dump himbos?" - sha-a-sha-a-ron

1. when you're out with him, go "OHHHHH SHOW ME YOUR HUGEE MUSCLES...I WANNA SEE I WANNA SEE I WANNA SEE!" and then he'll start puffing up his chest and start preparing to roll up his sleeves and flexing and you can tell him you need to go to the loo and will be right back to see his HUGE RIPPLING MUSCLES and then while pretending youre going to the loo you can run away and SMS him later 'I HAVE TO CATCH AN URGENT FLIGHT TO ETHOPIA/KENYA/ZIMBABWE DON'T COME AND FIND ME' and ta-da! done!

2. alternatively you could make him think there's a sticker on his back and he'll spend hours trying to get the imaginary sticker off and you can run away.

3. or if you see a bimbo on the streets you could tell him "HEY LOOK YOUR PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIEND!" and make him think the bimbo's really his primary school friend and leave them chatting about how their hair looks and where's the best place to paint their nails etc.

interesting things himbos are.

"wat is time bomb ah? is it a banana...?" - tok

"Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

No. A banana is something you see in in guys pockets when they're happy. A time bomb is something in their body, and when the bomb explodes you can't see any more bananas appear in guys pockets already. I wonder how many people understood what I've just said.

"why do gays carry handbags?" - MR Sissy Leong

A poll conducted among gays at a gay pub found out that gays do NOT actually like carrying handbags.

"Err...I prefer tote bags! they're soooo comfy!" giggled Sam.

"Purse clutches are much better" quipped Don.

So gays don't exactly like only handbags. Yah.

"change this leh" - too lazy to type (x3)

please see reply to 2nd last question.

"u are such a poser.. ur entry is almost exactly like the one in
http://www.wehatexiaxue.blogspot.com/..pls have some creativity or at least give credit to the actualy writer!" - annoyed

actually that's part of my BIGGG MASTERPLAN. you see, that blog is the sister blog of one the most well-read blogs in Singapore and maybe Asia, http://xiaxue.blogspot.com. Hell it's even featured in the newspaper today for the 2nd time I think (Sunday Times, Aug 8, Lifestyle section, Pg L8, Point number 5), and I was like "Whoa, again!? No fair!" Then again the girl's cute and funny and I'm ugly and corny. Hmm. never mind.

Anyway, my plan was to copy an entry, and then enrage her when she finds out so much that she's going to blacklist THIS blog right on hers, and write insults/curses/brain-smashing insults about me, and when people see who's this idiot/moron/no-life-nerd who copied her entry they'll come here, and hoho! I can get myself on the Sunday Times too as the most unoriginal and cheapskate rip-off who copies another blog's entries. Good right my plan.

ive never been called a poser before though. something new. THANK YOU! ive always been called idiot or moron or pervert or cock or Pierre van Hooijdonk(?) but never POSER! WOOOOOOOOOO I GOT CALLED A POSER! I'M SO HAPPY

"u are such a poser.. ur entry is almost exactly like the one in
http://www.wehatexiaxue.blogspot.com/..pls have some creativity or at least give credit to the actualy writer!" - annoyed

NOW I'M SO ANGRY. WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT BUTTON IS NOT FOR TESTING PURPOSES! WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO PRESS IT TWICE YOU DON'T GET A PRIZE OR SWEETS OR WHATEVER FOR PRESSING IT TWICE OR SOME POPUP WINDOW THAT SAYS 'BOO!' OR AN INTERACTIVE-KAPOW-WOW-GIZMO-FELLA THAT TALKS TO YOU OR SOME SOUND OR WHATEVER YOU THINK WILL APPEAR. why if you wanna press some buttons you can go and play with the tv or yourself or whatever until your mum shouts 'EATDINNERORIWILLSMACKYOU' at you and your hand hurts. There. And I shall insult you too. You are a Pierre van Hooijdonk (whatever that means)

"what kind of lingerie, what kind of personality?" - mc-abittoo-far

I was googling for an answer to this (I don't usually google the questions to look for answers but I don't know I felt like googling this one) and I found this nifty article on lingerie and girls.

What would you change if you designed lingerie?
I’d put all the hooks and fasteners in front. Having to reach around the back is a pain in the ass. It’s tough to get into—and tough to get out of.

I like this.

Nymphet-style (low-cut sheer pink baby-doll nightie; pink bow for her hair)What it really says: You favor little girls. There’s a high ewww factor here, guys. Unless she always longed to be a sex kitten, she’ll just think you’re disturbed.

HAH! MEN MAGAZINES ROCK! girls would say Cleo or Vogue are better but we guys are pigs so all we wanna see are girls in bikinis so FHM and Maxim rule. HAH!

Got question? ASK!

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