kokkai


Saturday, July 31

Hello everyone!! I am back again, after a long break.

Anyway, my life was very interesting yesterday. I woke up at 1pm, read a book till 6pm. I wore a blue top. I drank 3 packets of Vitasoy. I watched men in underwear throwing each other around on TV. I went out for dinner and I watched porn till now.

The ultimate unlucky thing that happened to me yesterday was that when I was crossing the road, a Platypus waddled up to me, and stood beside me.

I glared at it.

It ignored me. In fact, it was just standing there, looking at the green light patiently in a dignified manner.

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY I ALWAYS MEET STUPID ANIMALS WHEN I AM CROSSING THE ROAD?! First it was a chicken, and then it was a donkey, and now, a PLATYPUS??!

I continued glaring at it.

I mean, it is RUDE of the platypus to stand there, like it is an equal to men! I don't care what stupid female environmentalists are saying about this, but I don't want to share my human road with a smelly platypus!

Come to think of it, I think this platypus is not local. Maybe it is a REFUGEE!!!! Anyway, it must be, must be, an illegal immigrant! Wait till I catch it, then I shall sell it to the zoo WAHHAHAHA maybe police because it is a refugee platypus!!

How do I start how do I start... If I just jump clean on top of it to try to pin it down, it must get offended and peck me with its beak. The beak looks flat and vicious.

I better do small talk.

Things like small talk, girls are better lah. I am a geek what... I don't have friends to talk to, coz when I talk, I only talk about geeky stuff, and no one's interested. Weird, I have been doing stuff the whole day and i want to complain what, why can't anyone be nice!

OH DEAR, THE LIGHTS ARE AMBER!!!

Better put on a placid smile first.

"Hi Mr Platypus," I said in my best jaunty voice. Sounds a little like an elephant farting.

"Yo mate!" the ugly Platypus replied, nonetheless.

Definitely Australian, I told myself. Quick, think of something Australian to say!

"Say, is that Billabong you are wearing then, mate?"

"WTF?"

"Eh, I mean, did you watch Miss Universe, Australia won yeah? Pretty."

"Yeah the Oz won. Mind you, that Kangaroo was so cocky when he saw me. Cocky Kangaroo! Kangarooy cock! Ha ha ha ha ha."

He begin to laugh deeply at his own joke.

"Eh, so you not Australian?" I asked.

"Insulted mate! I'm from the great Britian! I am from the land of the wrinkly Queen! And I am proud to be a British platypus! Mind you, we have Harry Potter, and Enid Blyton and Beckham! What more does a nation want?"

"Well, we have char siew and chicken rice ... "

"I don't understand what you are talking about, mate, are you mocking me? I may be a platypus, a British one mind you, but I am not stupid! Say, do you want to cross the road with me?"

"Eh no."

The platypus looked scandalised. "WHY?" he screamed in a high pitched voice, not unlike a platypus would.

"Eh ... " How can I tell him gently that I don't wanna cross the road with a filthy platypus like him, and I also want to catch him to sell him to the zoo?

"Eh eh eh you great prude, speak up!", he said, breaking my thread of thought.

"Don't imitate me!"

"Well you did speak that way, mate! Say, while you take such a long time to decide what to make up your speech off, could you help me take a photo? Of me standing right here leaning on this lovely fire extinguisher here? There there, lovely."

He handed me a wet camera. WTF?? Why is his camera wet? Is he supposed to come out of the water anyway??



Stupid platypus.

It's time to act.

"Would you like to play catching with me? I'll run after you with a giant net and see if I can catch u, how's that?"

"Sure thing mate! Sounds fun!"

I pulled out a giant butterfly net out of no where and caught the stupid platypus in a jiffy.

"HA YOU STUPID PLATYPUS!" I announced in triumph. "THATS FOR BEING A REFUGEE IN SINGAPORE! I SHALL SELL YOU TO THE ZOO!"

"You kid me not, human," the refugee platypus actually shrieked in laughter.

"WHATS SO FUNNY!"

"Well first of all, I am not a refugee, I am an expatriate. And secondly, I've been in Singapore for years! YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT LIE ABOUT SELLING ME TO THE ZOO? You think I'm a kid? "Boy ah, you don't finish your porridge mommy sell you to the zoo then you know yadda yadda" nonsense is too commonly used as a threat! I am not scared!" said the expatriate platypus in a horrible smirking manner.

"Eh, you are not a refugee?" I asked tentatively.

"That's right! Now get me out of this net please."

"NO! I still can sell you to the zoo and earn some money! And a talking expat platypus! Wait till the SPGs hear about this, they will swarm to the zoo in flocks! HWAHAHAHAH I AM A GENIUS!"

The platypus stared at me, and promptly chewed his way through the net to freedom.

I looked on in horror, then it hit me:

"HEY I just realised you were pretending when you said you don't understand what is char siew or chicken rice! LIAR! BLUFF ME!"

"Well," the (sexy) expat platypus said, "I don't like that stuff. Anyway, you have offended my rights as a platypus, as horrid as my name sounds with platy and pus inside, but that's not the point. The point is, I am gonna peck you to death if you cannot answer this question of mine:



Besides the platypus, what is the other mammal that lays eggs?



Can someone help me? I'm blogging while still waiting for an answer! And you are not allowed to google coz it is written in our science textbooks! Oh yah, if you feel like you've read this post somewhere before, why you're right! It IS from somewhere else! Which explains the usage of words like 'WTF' and 'cock' which meeks geeks like me swear never to use or we will go torture ourselves by doing 10 pull ups and injure our armpits doing the 2nd one. I wanted to write something about why guys wear pink or answer those bugging 12 questions but I was too engrossed watching men in underwear throwing each other around i.e. wrestling. OOOH LOOK THAT FELLA'S UNDERWEAR GOT HITCHED UP!

----------------------------------

Here, I found out the answer already (fast ain't I). I'll give you a clue.



No, it's NOT THE ANT! WHY WOULD I TELL YOU THE ANSWER STRAIGHT! ANTS LAY EGGS! GO FIND WHAT THE CREATURE IS YOURSELF or go see if somebody faster wrote it in the comments already FIRST PERSON WRITE HAR I GIVE YOU FREE CANDY


Tuesday, July 20


Thursday, July 15

I AM GOING TO RUN FOR POTONG PASIR
WOOOOOOOOO!
 
 
 
And they will announce after the poll "Mr Kok....zero votes"
YAY!
 
 


Monday, July 12

ALAMAK!!!!


Friday, July 9

I'm okay now. Some time spent playing pool and 2 days with no classes helped me. I don't care what they say about attending classes, I don't feel like going then I won't go I'd rather rejuvanate myself. AND I FINALLY BEAT RANDY AT BLOODY POOL! WOOOOOOOO stupid game anyways I keep failing to sink those simple shots in

So I cut my hair before I went to school to do some stuff today. And then I went to school to meet my staff-mentor and discuss stuff with some people. Nobody went "WOW KOK YOU CUT YOUR HAIR SO HANDSOME" so either I look ridiculous or I look no different. So I met my staff mentor. Oh I said that already. And we talked. I told her how I didn't like the modules the semester, how bloody awful I think my lecturers are, how the food stall is overcharging us and selling bad food, why a certain lecturer wears blue shirts everyday and stuff like that. So I type here an excerpt of our conversation.

Christine Sun(lecturer/staff/mentor/whatever) : So what were you bad at?
Me: Programming
Christine: And why are you doing badly this semester?
Me: Because there's programming

And so on. After that I left for the Orchard Area in search of something.

movie tickets

AH-HA! NANNY NANNY POO POO I HAVE FREE TIX AND YOU DONT I HAVE FREE TIX AND YOU DONT! Okay, now I wanna crow about my coup. I heard on the radio a few days before that Carrie Chong was supposed to be outside Wheelock plaace dressed like some warrior and giving out free tickets so I took advantage of a free day to go down there and get free tickets. I'm not kiasu or cheapskate!!! I just wanna return a favour to a friend who treated me to a movie last time when he got free tickets himself. So yah. But I got them from the hands of Rod Monteiro though. Carrie Chong was there but she was surrounded by an army of schoolgirls and horny boys wanting to see through her translucent skirt, Mark Richmond, who I think bears a resemblance to the Dutch soccer star Ruud van Nistelrooy, was just standing and walking in circles, and Monteiro was giving out tickets. So what do you do???? GO QUEUE FOR THE NOT-SO-GOOD-LOOKING PERSON SMART RIGHT ME FEWER PPL CONFIRM YOU CAN GET TICKETS

So when it was my turn this was what Rod Monteiro said to me

Monteiro: wasssup dude!
(hands over tickets)
Me: (mumbles) thank you
Monteiro: Thank you too!

so that was it. Nothing really quote-worthy but hey, that's my first time actually talking to a media personality and the voice I've been hearing on my way to school during my time in secondary school so I'm still gonna put it down. HAH! And I spent the next minutes in Borders gloating over my coup. And I'm gonna continue gloating. It's not the first time I've recieved free tickets but still, HAH!!

After that I headed for the bus stop to go back to school and if you wander around Orchard Road often enough, you'd know there's this Indian lady outside Cineleisure sometimes who comes up to you asking whether you want tissue and then if you say how much she'll reply "how much is up to you" or something like that. Which is very smart actually because you'll end up feeling very bad if you give her like 10 cents. AND SHE CAME UP TO ME TWICE WITHIN 3 MINUTES DO I LOOK RICH OR........i dunno. Ridiculous
probably.

There was this caucasian man there too who was winking at me. WHY ARE YOU WINKING AT ME YOU BIG BALD CAUCASIAN. And there was this little kid who stared at me and went "Mommy mommy, look at that big guy....." but I didn't hear what he had to say about me. Wonderful day wandering along the streets of Orchard Road. AND HAH I GOT FREE MOVIE TICKETS I KNOW YOU WANT TO BEAT ME UP.

And then I looked down and saw that I hadn't zipped up.


Wednesday, July 7

everything's downhill these days

i dont like school
i dont like people in my class
i dont like the lecturers
i dont like my grades
i dont like what im doing
i dont like what i actually like doing
i dont like people around me
i dont like my predictable life
i dont like anybody, everything, anything.

people suffering from depression around me
its getting to me
ive tried to shrug all of you all off
i have problems myself
i need to see a trichologist
my laptop's dying out on me
im struggling with my identity
im struggling with my passion
im struggling these days

i'm not myself
i'm not enjoying myself.
i can't laugh without feeling there's lead in my mouth
i can't find the enthusiasm, the vibe, the energy
i can't immerse myself in what i like doing
ive tried to turn a deaf ear to you all
ive tried to adopt a nonchalant attitude to these
but still, all your problems, and mine, are getting to me
but still, they keep coming back

WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP AND QUIT WHINING.

i think people around me are imbeciles
but i may be a bigger imbecile myself
i look at multimedia portfolios of people out there
and i want to sit down and sob
i see people around me joking, laughing
but i cant catch their jokes. not one. not funny.
i am jaded, tired, dreary and weary
i seek a new challenge and direction in life.
below i list what i am

i am,
attention seeking,
i like,
visuals,
i detest,
conformists,
im not,
resilient,
find me a new challenge in life.

harm me
with your whines and unhappiness and airs and sarcastic cold jokes
heal me
with the magical teals of laughter only friends can possess.

goodnight.


Saturday, July 3

Uncle Kok
ASK UNCLE KOK

"I cant stop chiding u each tym I c u!" - ur darling

umm, don't read the answer for the 5th question.

"cool stuff u have on ure blog aye! hahahah" - blog hopper

thank you!

"why did you change your layout? the previous is better!!" - just somebody la!!

hmm. because I felt the previous one was kinda 'dry'. I did that anyhow anyway, like in 30 minutes? I wanted something more....more.....colorful and swift. and experimental. which explains all the junk on this page.

"i notice tt my breast will leak yellow fluids whenever i wear bikini, pls help mi man!!!" - tok

1. go toilet and undress
2. raise your left hand
3. put your right hand on the leaking boob
4. go around in circles anti clockwise direction for 10 counts
5. now go clockwise direction for 14 counts
6. now tilt your hand at a 45 degree angle
7. STOP FOOLING AROUND LAR WHO ASK YOU WEAR BIKINI YOU GUY WEAR BIKINI FOR WHAT
8. there shouldn't be any more leaking from now on.

"i know that guy have feeling but that the ways we speak to you people. so fight it back when you dont like you, correct?" - too lazy to type

i'm not exactly sure what youre trying to say...but ive corrected your question slightly.....
"i know that guys have feelings but that's the way we (girls) speak to you people. so fight back when you don't like it, okay?"
and that brings me to a point.
OI GIRLS DONT EVERYTIME SCOLD US JUST BECAUSE WE'RE GUYS LEH
we have limit one leh some of you girls everything also scold us then girl do same thing you never say anything
we're not blocks of wood leh just sit there for you to scream and shout at
obviously youre entitled to have a go at us when you feel like it because that's how nature dictated it but dont go overboard leh.
(I'm not referring to you hor my darling don't scold me....*cowers*)

"how to scratch arses discreetly in public?" - mc-a-bit-too-far

pretend your hand got superglued into your back pocket. or watch this educational video. might take a while to load though - its around 1.7MB. if you cant see it then you can download it by right clicking here, and choosing 'save target as'.



"how long does it takes a small ice-cube to completely melt?" - learn-to-sha-re

I have concluded that from experiments that it takes <53 minutes for an ice cube to melt completely! And I have the pictures to prove it!

Date: June 26, 2004
Temperature: Room Temperature


start

rabbit disturbs

rabbit disturbs again

sorry watching soccer

its melting!

so I kinda forgot about it a little and was distracted by the soccer. nevermind! i still found out it takes less than 53mins for an ice cube to completely melt! HAH!

"i'm addicted to asking u stupid questions. how can i quit this nasty addiction?" - Ronsensical

ask a serious question then. or just carry on...its not harmful anyway...NOW DONT START FLOODING MY MAILBOX WITH STUPID QUESTIONS JUST BECAUSE I SAID CARRY ON

"i dont want to chnage this leh" - y u so narcissistic one leh

let me guess....Ah Weep ah you ask one issit? You everytime lidat one lor!
(how do I know you asked it since I showed you this answer yesterday already - youre the only person who would know what narcissistic means and use 'y', 'u' and 'leh' in tandem)

"k0k" - too lazy to type

OI!

"change this leh" - too lazy to type (x5)

OI! (too lazy to answer)
eh NO TESTING OF BUTTON

"fuck" - fuck

now...i CONDONE THE USE OF THIS WORD! be more classy leh use alternatives like frick or fruck or frock or duck or george w. bush or whatever

e.g. instead of "fuck you lar!" use "frick you lar!" or "george bush you lar!"

"whats angela gray's blog site?" - too lazy to type

http://angela.blursotong.com/
when did i become a promoter for her i dont even know her ahhaaha