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Sunday, March 21
The Kok Blog Outsourcing/Exchange/whatever-you-want-to-call-it (KBOEWP) Program
In this very special blog outsourcing/exchange/whatever-you-want-to-call-it program (KBOEWP...pronounced kao-bei-whoop), The Incredible Kok has invited some other people to help him blog and share their fusion of blahblahblahblahblah on contemporary topics like family psychology and hacking and Donald Duck and blahblahblah. Blahblahblahblahblahblah and happy reading.
For our second guest blogger we have invited Ms Annabelle Cheong. She comes with impressive pedigree. She's eloquent and profound...I can't write anything bad about her because I'll probably get a ________ if I do ahhaaa...and so presenting to you my 2nd guest blogger....Annabelle.
2. Annabelle
"U hate her illness, but u dun hate her. And I hate what the hell she has done to us and the hell she has put us thru.. But I dun think I hate her.. I think the illness is more hating.. I try to tell myself tt its not her.. Its not "I hate u". Its "I hate wad u've done. I hate wad u're doing.."
Ok, I'm kinda a family-psychology geek. Simply luv this kinda books.. N becos I do, I'm gonna share it in Kok's blog nw, smthng tt I wldnt even share in ma blog.. Give it sum thots, wad's gonna happen whn u or ur loved one's sick? Dwn wif smthng tt may nt have a cure yet?
"One of the hardest things for me before she was diagnosed was what was I doing wrong as a mother.. Back then it was just sort of this amorphous mess. All of a sudden she was someone[I didn't know]. She felt out of control to me. But I couldn't label the behaviours. There was no way I could have said, "This belongs to an illness," because she hadn't been diagnosed. I had no understanding of tt illness.. I mean, it took me 2years to understand all tt it meant to have a daughter who is mentally ill. I really worked on coming to terms with that."
Scary huh? I thought so too..
As little as we know of illness, we know even less of care.
As much as the ill person's experience is denied,
the caregiver's experience is denied more completely.
"My child is hurting, really hurting[voice shaken]. And, I can't do anything to help her nor make her feel better. And she's not gonna understand why these people are taking & hurting her. Becos, to her, everything is ok. She didn't do anything wrong. What has she done wrong to deserve people doing this to her? Its totally out of control wad has happened to her[long pause].. It breaks ma heart seeing her having to be retained by 4 huge men. N each time they'd come and put her in restraint and she's crying & screaming, "Where is ma MOM?" And yet, I'm doing this out of love. Even when she talked about killing off the bad sould, so the good souls could return. I trusted her, and we still had to have her hospitalised then, for I'm so afraid she may kill herself or others whom she'd think as bad souls."
Regards,
Annabelle..
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