kokkai

Saturday, August 7

ASK UNCLE KOK

"do you have video of how to scratch balls in public? I WANT TO
SEE! MORE MORE MORE!" - zippy

okay, so I didn't go and record one on scratching balls. maybe next time. but i'll post the arse scratching one here again because its taking up space on my server and im not going to store it there and show it only once. HAH!

if you cant see it then you can download it by right clicking here,
and choosing 'save target as'.

"are you a virgin?" - zippy

No. HA HA HA

okay yes. why? what are you gonna do to me?!

actually, I wonder how and what you can use to define guys' virginity. Girls have some piece of skin called the hymen or something that protects stuff and breaks upon penetration or maybe during extreme sports blahblahblah and lots of guys get very bothered about this because they want to show they're King of the Bedroom or whatever. But what do guys have to mark virginity? GUYS HAVE THE HORN. once they do it, they crave for it. and hence the word horny came about. YES VERYGOOD

"kokky r...y u wear more n more decent now of these day ? 'winkz'" - ping

got meh? so my dressing in the past was outrageous ah. COOL!

NERD is proud to bring you our Fall Winter collection

checked shirt ($9.00), white polo ($23.00), red shorts (dunno)

tucked in is IN now. tuck in all your tail ends today!
why bother deciding between uneven tail ends or straight
tail ends, or whether to show them? tuck them all IN.

NERD's Fall/Winter Collection will leave you nerdy and
outrageously swanky!

"wat is life?" - tok

why, that sounds like what one would say before he/she jumps down a building or hangs himself. HA HA HA. wait a minute. PLEASE DONT COMMIT SUICIDE!!!!! PLEASE DON'T!! ALAMAK YOU STAY RIGHT THERE AND I'LL COME RIGHT OVER GOD WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU...is it because I wanted discount when I went to the Man U store buy stuff that time?!!

"kok today bad mood arh" - kok

now I don't have any idea how to answer this. DON'T YOU DARE PISS ME OFF THEN

"why ostriches can't fly and aeroplanes can?" - mc-a-mc-a-sha

scientists have discovered that the fastest animal on Earth is actually a cow dropped out of an aeroplane. The speed at which a cow drops down from an aeroplane is actually slightly faster than the current record holder, the cheetah.

At a press conference, a British cheetah said "This is absolutely poppycock! How can a bloddy cow be faster than us cheetahs?! How do you all conduct your experiments?! Don't you know that an object falls at uniform speed?! Just because my name has a 'cheet' doesn't mean I cheated! YOU ALL CHEATED! OH POPPYCOCK!"

In response, scientists say they conducted the experiment with absolute precision and fairness and there were no grounds to the British cheetah's claims. They also mentioned the main reason why ostriches can't fly is that they have too much poo in them and a plane can fly because it simply dumps poo out in the air and when they dump they need to shake a little and that is why you have air turbulence.

"how to dump himbos?" - sha-a-sha-a-ron

1. when you're out with him, go "OHHHHH SHOW ME YOUR HUGEE MUSCLES...I WANNA SEE I WANNA SEE I WANNA SEE!" and then he'll start puffing up his chest and start preparing to roll up his sleeves and flexing and you can tell him you need to go to the loo and will be right back to see his HUGE RIPPLING MUSCLES and then while pretending youre going to the loo you can run away and SMS him later 'I HAVE TO CATCH AN URGENT FLIGHT TO ETHOPIA/KENYA/ZIMBABWE DON'T COME AND FIND ME' and ta-da! done!

2. alternatively you could make him think there's a sticker on his back and he'll spend hours trying to get the imaginary sticker off and you can run away.

3. or if you see a bimbo on the streets you could tell him "HEY LOOK YOUR PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIEND!" and make him think the bimbo's really his primary school friend and leave them chatting about how their hair looks and where's the best place to paint their nails etc.

interesting things himbos are.

"wat is time bomb ah? is it a banana...?" - tok

"Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

No. A banana is something you see in in guys pockets when they're happy. A time bomb is something in their body, and when the bomb explodes you can't see any more bananas appear in guys pockets already. I wonder how many people understood what I've just said.

"why do gays carry handbags?" - MR Sissy Leong

A poll conducted among gays at a gay pub found out that gays do NOT actually like carrying handbags.

"Err...I prefer tote bags! they're soooo comfy!" giggled Sam.

"Purse clutches are much better" quipped Don.

So gays don't exactly like only handbags. Yah.

"change this leh" - too lazy to type (x3)

please see reply to 2nd last question.

"u are such a poser.. ur entry is almost exactly like the one in
http://www.wehatexiaxue.blogspot.com/..pls have some creativity or at least give credit to the actualy writer!" - annoyed

actually that's part of my BIGGG MASTERPLAN. you see, that blog is the sister blog of one the most well-read blogs in Singapore and maybe Asia, http://xiaxue.blogspot.com. Hell it's even featured in the newspaper today for the 2nd time I think (Sunday Times, Aug 8, Lifestyle section, Pg L8, Point number 5), and I was like "Whoa, again!? No fair!" Then again the girl's cute and funny and I'm ugly and corny. Hmm. never mind.

Anyway, my plan was to copy an entry, and then enrage her when she finds out so much that she's going to blacklist THIS blog right on hers, and write insults/curses/brain-smashing insults about me, and when people see who's this idiot/moron/no-life-nerd who copied her entry they'll come here, and hoho! I can get myself on the Sunday Times too as the most unoriginal and cheapskate rip-off who copies another blog's entries. Good right my plan.

ive never been called a poser before though. something new. THANK YOU! ive always been called idiot or moron or pervert or cock or Pierre van Hooijdonk(?) but never POSER! WOOOOOOOOOO I GOT CALLED A POSER! I'M SO HAPPY

"u are such a poser.. ur entry is almost exactly like the one in
http://www.wehatexiaxue.blogspot.com/..pls have some creativity or at least give credit to the actualy writer!" - annoyed

NOW I'M SO ANGRY. WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT BUTTON IS NOT FOR TESTING PURPOSES! WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO PRESS IT TWICE YOU DON'T GET A PRIZE OR SWEETS OR WHATEVER FOR PRESSING IT TWICE OR SOME POPUP WINDOW THAT SAYS 'BOO!' OR AN INTERACTIVE-KAPOW-WOW-GIZMO-FELLA THAT TALKS TO YOU OR SOME SOUND OR WHATEVER YOU THINK WILL APPEAR. why if you wanna press some buttons you can go and play with the tv or yourself or whatever until your mum shouts 'EATDINNERORIWILLSMACKYOU' at you and your hand hurts. There. And I shall insult you too. You are a Pierre van Hooijdonk (whatever that means)

"what kind of lingerie, what kind of personality?" - mc-abittoo-far

I was googling for an answer to this (I don't usually google the questions to look for answers but I don't know I felt like googling this one) and I found this nifty article on lingerie and girls.

What would you change if you designed lingerie?
I’d put all the hooks and fasteners in front. Having to reach around the back is a pain in the ass. It’s tough to get into—and tough to get out of.

I like this.

Nymphet-style (low-cut sheer pink baby-doll nightie; pink bow for her hair)What it really says: You favor little girls. There’s a high ewww factor here, guys. Unless she always longed to be a sex kitten, she’ll just think you’re disturbed.

HAH! MEN MAGAZINES ROCK! girls would say Cleo or Vogue are better but we guys are pigs so all we wanna see are girls in bikinis so FHM and Maxim rule. HAH!

Got question? ASK!

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