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The Friday 1.54am News
Thursday, September 29
To start off today's outdated entertainment news/rubbish, we'll have a big picture of Christina Ricci (who?) that will force you to have to scroll down to continue reading. If you find yourself not needing to scroll at all because your monitor is the newest highest resolution piece of......technology...then you can go screw yourself or something you bloody geek. Okay I'll admit it I'm jealous. Now scroll it.
Image: TheSuperficial.com
Today's top story - an old lady was spotted at some dumb awards ceremony urinating on the carpet while walking backwards (see big irritating picture). The old lady was later identified by police as one of the members of the Addams Family who was on her way to a funeral but got lost on the way. She was asked to go urine in the ladies' the right way round eventually. A guy wearing a grey robe and a pointed hat with a long beard said "Good job, old woman! Urinating in public places is neat!"
C-list Hollywood celebrity Christina Ricci tried to steal the limelight from the old lady by wearing an awful dress and an equally awful pair of golden heels. I don't care if they're golden and designed by some French gay guy, my design training tells me gold does not go with white and pink (or maroon or mauve or whatever girls call that color) and not to wear shoes by gay guys. And if I had a giant mole in the middle of my breasts I'd wear anything but awful pink/maroon/mauve dresses with big holes in them. Seriously, she'd really be better off wearing Wednesday Addams' black frock again and covering it up rather than this. And that gigantic forehead too.
This is Wednesday Addams who Ricci acted as when she was younger. She was okay when she young. What happened to her now? But who cares anyway.
In other news that people care about, Angelina Jolie as we all know is a gothic wacko but nobody really cares because well, she IS Angelina Jolie. But can some psychiatrist sit down with this wacko and explain to her that if she goes on being Wonder Wacko Woman and adopting some new kid from some country you've never heard of every other week (she has 2 or 3 now I think), her 'Super F***ing Hot Angelina Jolie' gene will NEVER be passed down!!!! That'll be like a...a....global disaster!!!!! THIS CANNOT HAPPEN! Someone hide the condoms from her and Brad
Here she is with her adopted Cambodian kid Maddox, if you can tear your eyes away from Jolie long enough. Where's your nose son? Didn't mommy tell you not to put weird things in your mouth? Anyway, that's it now for the 1.54am news. Have a good weekend. :) (Look, my smiley has no nose too!)
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